Free Soundgarden CDs for everyone!

Free Soundgarden CDs for everyone!
Originally uploaded by Cyber-Pope.

We've had our second miracle people, which puts us two miracles ahead of Lourdes in this year's miracle rankings. This time the lucky recipient was Harry Carvell from Nuneaton in the UK. Here's the email we received:

From: Harry Carvell

Subject: I Proclaim A Cyber-Miracle!

Dear His Holiness The Cyber-Pope,

Great things have happened! This morning, the 9th September 2005, I was sent a CD from Amazon.co.uk that not only did I not pay for, I did not even ask for!

The only reasonable explanation for this is a cyber-miracle - the Great Atheist God Bunkum must have been converted into binary form, then made his way into the Internet to bless me with this musical wonder!

The CD in question is Superunknown by Soundgarden. It was previously unknown to me that our great God Bunkum is a Soundgarden fan, but I believe that, in sending me this unexpected blessing, He must be a great fan. Happiness and rejoice all round then!

In future I shall take the 9th September off work, in recognition of Soundgarden-Day. In return for this miraculous act, I shall press Confusionism unto all of my friends, and they too shalt know the glory of Confusionism and Soundgarden!

Many Thanks,
Cyber-Follower-Who-Believes-That-Bunkum-Himself-Has-Shone-Upon-Him-And-So-Should-Definitely-Have-A-Pretty-High-Rank-In-This-Whole-System-Sort-Of-Thing,

Harry Carvell

PS I'm not kidding, I did actually get a CD sent to my house that I didn't order or pay for. In fact, according to the Amazon website, the CD wasn't even sent at all, and they have no record of anyone ordering it to my house. Obviously, there's only one reasonable explanation for it - that an Atheist flower-God somehow accessed the Internet and sent it to me.

Guidance notes for Confusionists

It's clear Harry has been blessed, but this miracle can be interpreted by Confusionists in two different ways. Either Bunkum was just giving Harry a CD becasue he thought he might have needed a bit of Soundgarden in his life (the "garden" reference in the band's name is a clear hint that it was indeed Bunkum who sent the CD, as Bunkum takes the form of a divine if foul-mouthed flower).

Or, alternatively, Bunkum may have been giving a coded order for all Confusionists to overthrow the capitalist world order and create a Confusionist paradise on Earth. I'm inclined to go with this interpretation, but then I would, wouldn't I?

Either way, September 9th is now officially a special day in the Confusionist calendar: Free Soundgarden Stuff Day. On this day you should let your employer/university/school know that you are entitled to a day off work (or the following Monday if it falls on a weekend). You will also be entitled to take whatever Soundgarden products you want to from shops, but for that day only.

If a shopkeeper disagrees with you, simply shouting "Nazi bastards!" in front of other customers and ask them to stop persecuting you because of your faith. They'll be so embarrassed that you shouldn't have any problems in pilfering Soundgarden products and whatever it is you fancy.

To join Confusionism and to avail of Free Soundgarden Stuff Day, simply pop your email address in the little box at the side of the page.